But Even If He Doesn't...

Recently I read a blog about Kent Brantly. If you haven't been watching the news, this is the man working for Samaritan's Purse who contracted ebola while caring for ebola patients, was sent to America for medical help, and miraculously recovered. The blog presented a new angle on the doctor's character, saying that while he lay in bed, waiting for potential death, he thought of the men who would be thrown into the furnace if they did not w0rship the king.

If you're like me, you might've done a double-take. Seriously? What does a fiery furnace have to do with potentially dying from a disease? I'm pretty certain I wouldn't start meditating on that, especially if I'm burning up from a fever! And yet Kent Brantly told a source that is what he was meditating on, and to him, it made perfect sense. Like those three Hebrew guys, he said with conviction, "G0d can rescue me...but even if He doesn't..."

The thing that got me was that I've never really thought about a modern-day situation of the fiery furnace in any context other than pe.rsecution. Whether it's ISIS slaughtering people, or a boss trying to convince you to be dishonest with tax forms for the sake of work, in my mind, the modern-day antagonist was always a person. And when we think about those situations, it's easy for us to think we'd jump into gallant action when a physical, personal antagonist threatens our fa!th. Bow down?! Of course we won't! or Lie for the good of the company? Of course not! But when that antagonist becomes ebola, or a miscarriage, or a sudden tragedy, or cancer, can we say with confidence, "G0d can rescue me. He can cure my ebola. He can mend my broken heart. He can raise the dead. He can purge the cancer from my body. But even if he doesn't..."

"But even if he doesn't..." what, exactly? What is a modern translation of, "We still won't bow down?" It's easy for us to say we won't bow down to someone, but what about a thing, an ideal, a dream? Can we truly say that even if He doesn't rescue us from horrible diseases or experiences, we won't bow down to self-pity, or anger, or bitterness, or hatred, or envy, or distrusting G0d? I wonder how Brantly would finish that phrase. Even if he was dying, he wouldn't give up hope or renounce G0d? Can we say we still trust the Father, even when He doesn't save us? Some sobering thoughts to think about.

Do We Throw Off or Throw Up?

It's Easter time, and that means we're inundated with Spring fashion commercials, candy "sales" in the grocery store, colleagues comparing notes on what they're giving up for lent, and of course, Christian comments left and right on Facebook about Easter and Jesus dying for our sins. And if you're like me and you've grown up in the church, or you've been going to church for a while, it might just seem like the same old Easter we have every year. Jesus died for our sins, he rose again, we're forgiven. That's all. We've heard it, we know it, we've memorized the songs and verses that talk about it. But what does Easter really mean for us, and how should it impact us--every minute of our lives?

This afternoon, I was reading Isaiah 58 (thanks Beth Moore study!) and came across a startling statement. Isaiah is talking about how people "fast" selfishly, and in ways that harm others, and then the same people ask why they don't hear from God. Isaiah says, "Duh! Stop the sinful behavior!" He points out that the people need to stop gossiping and pointing fingers and start helping those in need. But the thing that stuck out to me was verse 9, where it says that they also need to "take away the yoke from your midst."

Call me crazy, but I've always thought that it was God who was supposed to take away our yokes. Not that he would take our literal wooden boards that link oxen and plow together, but our figurative yoke of burdens and slavery to sin. Isn't God the one who's supposed to take away the yoke from our midst, not us? That is, after all, why Jesus died, right?

As I sat, puzzled about this passage, I was reminded of a comment someone said to me earlier in the week: "You need to live in Christ's freedom."

I like picture analogies, so here we go: a picture of this cute little Vietnamese dog at a hotel I stayed in last weekend.

I kept trying to get the dog to move from behind the door, but it wouldn't, and I was perplexed. Its chain was long enough to allow it to roam around the whole front of the house, or even the whole front "yard," but it chose to stay in this little, itty bitty, tiny space behind the door. Maybe it felt safer there, or it was too lazy to move. Whatever the reason, it chose not to live in freedom.

You may have guessed it already, but we can be like that dog when we think about the Resurrection and the freedom that comes with it. Christ has already died and risen. He's payed for all of our sins and heavy yokes, and yet sometimes we still choose to live in those sins. Maybe the sin comforts us, or ridding ourselves of the sin is more complex than sure willpower. Maybe ridding ourselves of the sin requires some uncomfortable conversations, counseling or accountability. Maybe, we're continually stuck on our failures, believing that God can't forgive me my sin, because it's an awful sin. We believe we're saved, but we don't believe we've found forgiveness, or we don't believe we'll ever be free of the sin. So we stay in our little sinful corner, when if we just stepped out, we'd experience freedom in Christ we didn't think we'd ever experience. It's not complete freedom from all sin, but there is freedom--and we're called to strive for that freedom. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (emphasis added).

If we're saved, there seems to be a two-part process of freedom. Step 1: Jesus died to free us. It's already happened, done, finished. Step 2: We live as free people. We need to avoid being burdened by the yoke of sin again. We need to "throw off everything that hiders [us] and the sin that so easily entangles [us]" (Hebrews 12:1) Easily said, hard to do, I know. But we need to actively fight the yoke of sin in our lives, knowing that we are already free, rather than throwing up our hands in defeat.

So will we throw off or throw up this Easter? Will we throw off all sin that entangles, and know that even as we sin again, God's grace still covers us, and we can still live in freedom? Or will we throw up our hands in defeat, believing that our sin is so much greater than God? This Easter and every day, I hope we will all live in freedom, believing, as a poet once wrote, that "Death is dead, and I am free, for Christ who died, He died for me!"

A Real Woman: Thoughts about Beauty and A Poem ReWritten

What is a real woman? If you asked most of my preteen students, they would likely tell you that a real woman has boobs that she flaunts and wears a tight mini-skirt (with legs that kill). She wears eyeliner all of the time. But most importantly, she will do anything, including back-stabbing and physically confronting and attacking, to defend herself and her reputation. To tell these girls to "walk away" from a fight was like telling them to come to school in their underwear; it would ruin their reputation and they would be the laughing stock of the school.
A recent conversation I had with students reminded me of the preteen view of womanhood. I was holding several girls during lunch for lunch detention. During this time, Hope*, a very spunky, say-it-like-it-is 6th grade girl, started justifying why she passed a note during class.  __________ [insert name of female student] said _____________ [insert biggest insult imaginable] about Hope. She said she couldn't just let the other girl get away with the gossip, so she had to fight back by spreading rumors of her own. Of course Hope knew that passing notes and starting rumors was wrong, but in her mind, it was justified. That's when I realized I needed to take a step back. This was all about her value, how she is valued, and her reputation, not really about passing notes during English class.
Who knows if she and the other girls involved in the note-passing situation even really heard me, but in a last-ditch effort, I looked at them and said, "You need to remember how beautiful and valued you are--each of you! You need to hold your head up high and walk on by, as if to say," I demonstrated my best  head whip and finger snap, "'I'm better than that. I know my value. I know my worth, and nothing you can say will change that!' Let it roll off you, forget about it, and remember how valuable you are."
So it's with these thoughts in mind that I decided to rewrite "If" by Rudyard Kipling. A classic poem that my students read, Kipling's poem contemplates value and worth of a man and manhood and what it means to be a man of integrity in a difficult world. I'm no Rudyard Kipling, but I thought I'd share a Christian female version of this poem. This is the first draft.

The Kingdom is Yours

Female Version of Rudyard Kipling’s “If”

If you can keep your values when all around you

Are losing theirs for popularity, to fit in

If you can believe your worth and beauty

Yet not be vain, nor degrading, nor sin,

If you can wait for love, and tire not of waiting,

Or being gossiped about, not deal in lies,

Or being rejected, not take joy in rejecting,

Or being heart-broken, not languish in lovers’ sighs

If you can still dream, though dreams be shattered,

Put your faith in God, though hope seems far away,

If you can look for promises in the broken world,

And wake up with faith and joy each day,

If you can find peace in the turbulent storms,

And find joy though it be scarce to find,

And if you can accept the pain and suffering,

Yet not let grief consume your mind,

If you can meet with Death and Disaster,

And laugh in their faces a haughty laugh,

And take joy in the beauty of creation,

Without being lost on the world’s path,

And if you can hold your head high when others doubt you,

And walk past them knowing who you are inside,

And if you can listen to their critiques and criticisms

Yet always let the Lord be your guide,

If you can  stand strong when friends dessert you,

Persevere when others say they are through,

Walk by faith when sight no longer avails you,

And all around you try to stop you, too,

If you can wear the crown proudly,

Yet still be a servant, meek and mild,

Yours is the kingdom, and everything in it

And what is more, you’ll be a woman, my child!

*Hope is not the student's real name.

It's Imperfection

There's nothing we love more than someone showing us our faults. Am I right? You can probably sniff the sarcasm oozing from that first line! We all HATE when someone tells us something that we probably know. We also can be mortified to be told that something we thought we were doing well at is completely wrong.

Case in point: A few months ago, my personal trainer showed me how to do shoulder presses with free weights. Since I only see him once a week, and we often will switch up the routines, it wasn't until maybe a month later that he told me I was doing it all wrong. What? All wrong? But you showed me how to do this! He laughed and commented that it was no wonder I could lift the weights so easily--I wasn't working the right muscles! I was a little discouraged at that point. Ironically, it actually took another month or so until I learned to do shoulder presses the right way! It shows you how coordinated I am!

Why is it, though, that we hate being told we're wrong? Why is it that we have the tendency to make excuses or deny things, when in actuality, the other person is right? Of course it comes down to our pride. I'd venture to say, though, that it's also such pride that is our culture's Achilles heel when it comes to sharing the g0spel and following a "re1igi0n."

When we look at the magazines, the TV ads, the TV shows, the music videos, what do we see? Ask any teen girl, or likely many women for that matter, and many would say or imply "perfection." When girls and women strive to look attractive, they compare themselves to these women on TV. These air-brushed, plastic-surguried, make-up done, extension-wearing women are our models for beauty, and when it comes to our own idea of beauty, we're not content because we're not like THEM. Yet at the same time, we'll comment on the air-brushing, we know they have hair dressers and make-up artists at their beckon, and we know that we shouldn't hold those women up as perfection because, let's face it, it'd be impossible to have J-Lo's body. We strive for perfection, knowing in the back of our minds that it's not actually possible. There's this odd dichotomy of fake perfectionism and reality.

Let's take a more painful look at fakism, now. What does an average person think about "re1igi0us" people? Most people I've spoken with would say that they are fake. They say one thing, but do something different. They claim to be perfect, yet they condemn other people. And when you look at history and the re1igi0us people on TV, you have to admit that they don't all give a good name to re1igi0n or chris ianity. What the world sees is a bunch of bigots who yell at women who are in sensitive times of their lives (pregnant), tell people that they're going to he11, and use re1igi0n as an excuse to make themselves feel better and more h01y.

The question that I have had to ask myself is: "How am I living? Am I fulfilling the culture's expectation of what a re1igi0us person is, or am I living a life filled with grce?" At first, I thought that I shouldn't let my guard down when sharing my Story. Aren't we supposed to show people we're strong so that they will want to also have a Story? Who wants to be weak? Shouldn't I act perfect? The irony is that most people seem to appreciate real people, not fake people. It could be because we don't have to compete with the looks of a "fake" person, but really, I think it's because the world is not as it should be. There are difficulties, and no one should minimize or deny the difficulties, the pain, and the suffering. If you sugar-coat difficulties, you end up with a half-baked, fake g0spe1 that people don't want to hear. They don't want to be condemned by "perfect" chris ians, and they don't want to hear that the real difficulties are nothing. In a fake world, many look for authenticity--in actors/actresses, politicians, and yes, "re1igi0us" people.

So we need to strive to not be "prefect," or rather, to show our imperfections. The exciting thing is that G0d says that it's in our weakness that He is strong and made perfect. I love reading the prophets, because in many of them they are nervous about serving, but G0d says to not be afraid, that He will use them in their weakness. The key is being vulnerable enough to expose our imperfections.

The cool thing is that G0d gave me an opportunity to speak with someone about this. For a long time, he lumped all re1igi0ns together. Finally, the eureka moment came when I commented that he thought I was weak, and that actually, to be a chris ian, you had to admit you were not perfect and weak. I'm not sure what will happen with that, but I do know that that was the first time he had ever heard that We were not supposed to be prideful. I told him that if someone was judging and condemning him, then they did not truly understand what the Story meant. Because it's not the well who need the doctor; it's the Imperfect.

*In view of going censorship and in preparation for going overseas, I will be mispelling/abbreviating any re1igi0us terms. If you comment on the blog, please either do the same or avoid using re1igi0us terms.

Be Careful What You Pray For!

Had I written this blog earlier this week, I would have written a long, long list of complaints about the public school system and the political system that so lovingly created the high-stakes No Child Left Behind Act (and the consequences that my school is experiencing as a result of this). I probably would have also moaned and groaned about how awful I feel my school is and how unfair God is. But then I guess God did a little nudging in the form of a memory of a previous prayer...Actually, many previous prayers...

Lord, I pray you would give me clear direction about this three-year committment. Help me to know whether to stay at this school or not. Give me peace about my decision.

Often when we pray something like this, we tend to focus on the positive. We want peace about leaving. We want something better to appear with bright blinking lights so we know that that is in fact where God wants us. But what if God used the negative aspect of our prayer or the situation to move us instead? What if, instead of giving us peace about leaving, He gives us unrest about staying? I found myself in this full realization, humbled and ashamed at how much I have complained about the difficult situation when in reality, I think that the events of this week gave me the clearest direction yet. Similarly, when we think God is calling us somewhere and the door slams in our face, is it not the answer we were looking for? Sometimes I think we pray with our own agenda in mind and are often surprised when God answers us in a different way. We don't want to be in uncomfortable circumstances, but in reality, they often lead us in the direction God wants us.

On a slightly related thought, I've been thinking about how it seems a lot of my job security, what was my world, has come crashing down around me. This morning, I read Psalm 46, which says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..." I've often only read this passage literally, that the Psalmist was maybe writing about war or natural disasters. Or maybe he was exaggerating difficult times, and saying IF the mountains were to fall into the seas, God would be a refuge. But this morning I was struck by how similar the idea of mountains crashing into the sea was to how I felt my life was crashing down around me. It's comforting to know that God is an "ever-present help."

What more can I say? I guess at this point, I'm wiping egg off my face and learning to not complain as much. At times, I feel I'm an impatient two-year old, stomping her feet and throwing fits when God gives me what I asked for. God, give me patience, but don't make me wait; give me direction, but don't give me discontentment; give me perseverance, but don't give me these trials; give me love, but don't give me these difficult students. I guess I need to be more concious of what I pray for, and more alert to God's use of various events in my life.

Peace on Earth...In a Crazy World!

What does peace on earth look like? When beauty pageants speak of this peace, their vision is a world without war, generally speaking. So when the angels declared that there would be peace on earth, people might have logically expected that this Messiah would be a king who would bring about peace for Isreal, so that they would no longer be under Roman rule.

It's interesting, though, that while many Christmas carols address peace on earth, the NIV in Luke 2:14 says, "...and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." The ESV says, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” While having peace on earth for all men is nice, that's not what the angels seem to be talking about, nor do they seem to be saying that all people on Earth will experience peace because Jesus is born. No. The angels seem to be specifically addressing those who please God--that they will experience peace.

Who pleases God? Hebrews 11 seems to directly address this when the writer states, "and without faith, it is impossible to please God. For those who come to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." There are many other passages that we could look at, but suffice it to say that the angels seem to imply that the peace is for God's elect (Christians), not everyone.

Theological terminology aside, what does this peace mean practically? How does it (or should it) impact our daily lives? I've been asking myself this question these past few weeks as life has gotten overwhelmingly busy. The curriculum developers changed our curriculum but did not give us resources, causing us to spend 2-4 hours each day creating resources. Our administrators are passing the buck, forcing us to do all of the parent contacting (even for major refferels). The county is requiring we spend every day in some sort of meeting, so we often only have 48 minutes or less to do anything on our own. Mounds of ungraded papers continue to pile up because all of my time is spent prepping the lesson for the next day! And by February, we have to determine whether we're staying at the school for three years or leaving, and if we leave, we have to start getting our resumes out. A LOT of stress! Many people have stresses other than work--running kids around, cooking, cleaning, taking care of toddlers/babies, laundry--and its cyclical, too. It may seem like you're never done with laundry or cleaning--once it's clean, it becomes dirty again. Many have big decisions about work as well. How can we live in this "peace" that we're supposed to have in this crazy world?

Maybe I'm completely off here, but it seems that peace is related to rest. It's late and I'm losing my train of thoughts, but I'm going to continue to explore this idea of peace and rest throughout this holiday season. One verse I found is Psalm 62:5, which says, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." I think I need to start and end my day reflecting on this truth, for starters!

When We Don't Know Our Needs

I was driving down 108 from Columbia Mall, car running on fumes, with two thoughts on my mind: Lord, let me find a gas station soon! and Do I really need this money? I had just met with someone I'll be tutoring, someone who insisted he pay me up front: $300 in cash. I really don't need extra money, but I felt a small voice say, It's my provision for you. I really am not in any hard place, and really offered to help more out of helping a friend than getting pay. The comment didn't make sense to me, but I forgot about it as I began to realize that if I did not find a gas station soon, I'd be stranded on the side of the road. Suddennly, I saw it: a small, little off-brand gas station with the cheapest gas I'd seen. As I eagerly turned in to the gas station, I read a sign that said, "Cash only." Then I understood. Had I not gotten paid in cash, I would not have had any cash to get gas.

It's neat how God provides for us before we know we need provision, which makes me think more closely about my life. How many frustrations in my life are there because of God's provision? If the frustrations at work are causing me to think about a new "career," then should I really view these frustrations as trials, or as God's way of nudging me? Just a thought as we enter the season of giving. God provided His Son, but he also provides for us every days. His mercies are new every day.

Running the Race

I hate running. I mean, HATE running. Oh, I run when there are emergencies. I run when pitbulls chase me and when earthquakes occur. Ok, and when my trainer is forcing me to run, I'll run. But I don't like it. Maybe it's because I had excercise induced asthma as a child, or I didn't learn to breathe correctly, or it's a psychological thing that I feel like I'm going to die any time I run! I wish I liked running, and envy all of the people whose favorite pastime is running on a nice fall day, but that's not me.

So when I read a passage in scripture that says to "run the race of endurance set out before you" I get a little nervous. Ugh. Running. Bleh. My brain starts to shut down. Yes, I don't like to think about running, but I think it also has to do with the concept of long races: having endurance. Because I am so impatient, I don't like thinking about having endurance, but I think that's what scripture is saying we need to have.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3

As I meditate on this passage, a few thoughts come to mind. First, in order to endure the race, we must throw off sin that keeps us looking behind us. This has to do with counting "everything as loss" (Phil. 3:8) and being a "living sacrifice" (Rom. 12:1). If we focus on our fomer lives, the old man, the world, we lose sight of our finish line. Second, our focal point should be Jesus. When we race, whether it's a 5K or a 10m, we have a fixed point of reference that is our goal. When we get tired, we focus on getting to that point--the finish line and the people waiting for us at the finishline. Similarly, if we truly focus on Jesus, other distractions will fade away and we will be able to run with endurance. Third, our race is providentially determined. God knows where He's leading us, even if we don't know where exactly our life will take us. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God "know[s] the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." What a comfort that God has planned our course, and that we know our final destination! Finally, Jesus himself ran that race, though he did not have to, and endured the cross, though he did not deserve to. We can find encouragement in knowing that we have a God who sympathizes with us, endured every kind of temptation known unto man, and yet, was without sin. When we get discouraged, we can be reminded of Jesus' undeserved suffering and the fact that He persevered to save us!*

So I've just written a lot of reasons why I should endure. When I think about it, though, I think the most difficult part of the Christian life is enduring and hoping. It's easy to be on fire and believe for a time, but it is difficult to hope during difficult circumstances, times of doubt, and loneliness. That's why I think it's also important to run the race with someone else (both figuratively and spiritually). When one person falls down, another helps him up, but pity the man who has no one to help him! I've seen recently the power of having friends pray with and for me. When someone (Satan, a person, or the culture) attacks our beliefs, it is so helpful to have friends who can help encourage you, strengthen you, and help you regain perspective. It's a blessing to be able to run the race with others!

Here's the point of my blog where I say that actually, running doesn't seem that bad anymore. In comparison to other hard-core training days, running for 30 minutes is actually relaxing. I've been actively choosing a pace and gradually running farther and farther. I've been setting specific goals for each day. I've been talking with people who encourage me to keep going and give me feedback on running the race. It takes a lot of dedication, but in the end, hard work and endurance will pay off. Who knows? Maybe with hard work I'll even run a 5K. :-)

*[On a side note, I love the fact that God uses metaphors! One of these days, I'd love to teach a class on God's use of figurative language in scripture...]

Schizophrenic callings?

Have you ever felt somewhat schizophrenic? Apologies to my psychology friends for using this out of context, I know, but have you ever felt like you had ten different personalities? (I guess that would be more Multiple Personalities Disorder in the DSM-IV) I'm not talking about Paul's idea of sin versus living in the Spirit when he says, "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me." No. I'm talking about the fact that we have so many different interests. Since the freshman Christian Mind class in college, I have felt torn in about fifty different directions. We certainly have lots of callings in life, but which ones do we pursue?

Someone once told me that that is a normal feeling to have. The post-college graduate, twenties life is like a buffet table; you pick and choose the different interesting career options, try them out, and if you don't like them, discard them and move on to something else. Then you eventually settle on one career.

But what if you have a career, but you still have other callings that you could pursue? What happens when you're content with your calling, but see the need for other callings to be fulfilled? I guess I've been thinking about that recently, as I have to decide whether or not to make a three-year committment to my school. I've been encouraged, though, to see many godly women and men in my life make career changes throughout their lives as they pursued God's calling. My mom, for one, has truly inspired me as she's moved from dietition in a burn unit to pastor's wife/home school mom/choir director/Bible study leader to Kindermusic teacher/teen moms Kindermusic leader. As I tell many people, she's been singing wake-up songs and lullabies to us since we were young, so leading Little Hands workshops and classes is very much a natural for her.

I guess even with uncertainty, not knowing what is the next step, we have a lot of assurance. As I write this, I have to laugh at the seeming contradiction of assurance amidst uncertainty! But I remember Abraham and all of the Hall of Faith heroes in Herbrews 11 who stepped out in faith and obeyed and followed God "even though he did not know where he was going." Psalm 37:5-6, 23-23 says, "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun....If the Lord delights in a man's ways, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

It's been awesome to look back and see how God has made my steps firm and given me some difficult, yet amazing opportunities. Recently, though, I reread a poem I wrote my freshman year in response to Dr. Pennington's Christian Mind class, and realized that I still feel the same confusion about which callings to pursue. Who knows what the future holds, but I know who holds my future. :-)

A Desperate Prayer by Kim Yagel

Lord, what would you have me do? What would you have me be?

A teacher, a writer, a messenger, a musician?

Like a farmer’s rooster I await your sun to enlighten my mind, that I might find a purpose, a meaning, a vocation.

I look at the sky so softly and delicately painted by your hand,

And I think,

“Could I not be an artist? Would I not love to paint your        
Masterpiece in words?”

Then sweet melody floats to my ears, the words touch my heart,

            And I think,

“Could I not worship you in joyful music? Could I not tickle the ivory for the rest of my years?”

I see your little image bearers looking for puzzle pieces to fit their minds,

            And I think,

“Would I not love to expand their creative thoughts? Would I not love to nurture the images in their heads?”

But then I see your people across the world, clothed as skeletons, hungry, homeless, helpless. Tears fill my eyes and my heart breaks for them,

            And I think,

“Would I not love to mother them? To love them, to heal them, to protect them?”

Yet I see those beside me, Lord, filled with distress, fitting the triangle shape to the heart, losing direction as a ship without a North Star.

            And I think,

“Could I not reach them? Show them the heart’s true shape? Could I not love them?”

I sit here and wonder—what is it that you’d have me do? What is it that you’d have me be?

Here I am, Lord, an unfinished chair in the hands of the carpenter.

Will I be a stool or a loveseat, a recliner or a throne?

Here I am, Lord. Fashion me to your use.

Amen.

My Eyes Were Opened

These past twenty-four hours have been some of the most eye-opening, tragic hours of my life. Oh, I’ve been familiar with the ProChoice side and how abortionists operate, but it’s different when you see it firsthand. And it’s different when you realize you’re not a political activist, but a protector of life, and even more different when you realize you can’t save every life. It’s different. My life is different.

I used to think that while the ProLife movement was often initiated by Christians, it was more of a political movement. People hold signs and try to convince people that their side is right. The more people honk, the more persuasive your argument is, and the more people agree with you, the stronger your party becomes. That’s certainly what our lovely ProChoice people think. Every honk is a victory for them. Every additional second they stand on the curb as ProLife people leave adds to their victory cry. Every opportunity to block the ProLife signs with their signs, mock the ProLifers, talk over those who witness to the incoming cars, every opportunity is a small victory.

But we’re not political activists. We’re not protesting in front of the government buildings to make them change their laws. We’re standing in front of a clinic of death, trying to convince mothers to not kill their young, trying to convince fathers to protect their own, trying to convince mothers to not let their daughters be scarred for life, trying to show women that they don’t have to resort to the culture’s standards, the culture’s “solution.”

But sometimes all we can do is watch helplessly. Last night, I watched as three generations of women, four if the baby is a girl, walked into the clinic, and came out with a solution for preventing the fourth generation from living. It’s so hard to grasp the concept that a grandmother and mother, who one would think, experienced joy at hearing that they would have a daughter or a granddaughter, would not experience that joy this time. What would have happened if they had each chosen abortion? But I’m sure it’s convenience and time. She’s too young, not married, has school or college, didn’t want to get pregnant. And maybe this is a family tradition for each one of them. Maybe all of them had abortions when it just wasn’t convenient to have a kid.

Sometimes, we just have to watch and be silent and grieve. “I had an abortion and I wasn’t ‘harmed,’” a college-age girl retorts. “Keep your rosaries away from my ovaries,” a high school girl’s sign says. “Coalition for Life’s an organization of murderers! Carhart’s a hero! He saves women!” A worker yells, drowning out a ProLifer’s plea to a client. “Good women get abortions” another sign says. “Ha! What do they think the abortionists do to women? Use a lawnmower? These crazy anti’s are acting like someone’s gonna die! Ha! Ha!” Oh yes, and the worst comment was in response to Grace’s urgent petition, as she said, “Pray! Pray for the lives of the ten women and their babies, whose lives might be ending right now!” The ProChoice response? “ Yes!!!!! Woo hoo! Awesome! Ten women!”

If hearing people cheer like this doesn’t make your stomach churn, I’m not sure what will. Ten tiny lives taken. Potentially ten women who will fall into deep depression, live dangerous lifestyles, hate themselves, live in guilt, or even have nightmares like Kelly Stauffer http://vimeo.com/27375713 .

As I stood on the street corner in almost disbelief at what I had just heard, and as I longed to engage in verbal altercations and violent sign-swinging karate moves, I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 4:1-4 that says, “Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose hope. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways. We do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly, we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. And even if the gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”

ProLife is not a political agenda, but a statement of truth. As Christians, we are agents of truth, light, and life. Sadly, many of the ProChoice people were either naively following someone else’s lead and so, are deceived by others, or, like many of the escorts, women, and workers, are in denial of the truth and so deceive themselves. Some young guys, maybe college students, who tried to cover my sign didn’t know how to respond when I said to them, “But a woman did die under Carhart’s care.” They did not realize that abortion is actually allowing parents in many countries to exterminate baby girls, thus severely decreasing the population of women in many Asian countries this day. And I’m sure that they have never seen a diagram of how Carhart finally takes the “fetus” out of the mother. They don’t understand what they’re fighting for.

That’s why we love them, pray for them, and reach out to them. We don’t hate them. We calmly share with them the truth, knowing that only God can peel the scales from their eyes and allow them to see the truth. It’s sad and sickening at the same time to think about the reality of this life-and-death battle and the flippant attitude Pro-Aborts have. As I reflect, though, I think this type battle is everywhere. It may not be life-and-death, but it’s certainly truth versus lies. We see this in our workplaces, schools, communities, etc. We hear that it’s okay to cheat on a test, it’s good and normal to sleep around, it’s beneficial to lie in order to get an edge on our competitor. These are lies.

I think I’ve realized that while I may not be actively involved in the ProLife movement for the rest of my life, I more fully understand what “good fight” I’m supposed to participate in. It’s not a fight against flesh and blood, but it’s a spiritual battle against the deception of the “god of this age.” While I have fought blatant lies at work (e.i. my former co-teacher), I more often must confront covert, insidious lies that my students believe, such as the ideas that they cannot learn, are doomed to repeat their father’s history, are worth nothing if they’re not pretty.

Fighting this battle can be tiring and discouraging, as I’m learning this week. Not everyone sees the truth, and but by the grace of God, I would not see the truth. But I’ll end with a few promises. “We’re hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed. Persecuted, but not abandoned; perplexed, but not in despair, struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor. 4). “Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows…Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:7,9).

And my favorite verse in this battle of truth: “For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea” (Habakkuk 2:14). That knowledge of God, who is Truth, will eventually reach every single person, and when it does,  we won’t have weep over lost lives.

It All Started Thanks to Carhart...

Something incredibly beautiful is occuring in Germantown, Maryland. No, I'm not talking about the fact that no lives have been lost to abortion this week, though that is a huge cause for celebration. Nor am I talking about the number of women who have learned about abortion alternatives. I'm not even talking about the many answers to prayers we've experienced or the amount of people in the community who are opening their eyes to this abortion issue. No. What I am talking is about is something Jesus prayed for in John 17; what I am talking about is the beautiful unity of brothers and sisters in Christ.

When I first read and even memorized a portion of John 17, I used to think that Jesus was prayng that the churches would be unified in doctrine, and often would grieve at the fact that there are so many factions of the church today. There are so many different churches and denominations today, we almost have a salad bar of options; pick and choose what you want in a church. A little speaking in tongues here, some cutsie kids ministries there, a little liturgy there, and viola! Your personalized church! But I'm not sure that doctrine was what Jesus was soley speaking of when he prayed, "I pray that they would be one..."

John 17:23b says, speaking of the future believers: "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." Jesus' focus, here, is not on doctrine but on the love of the Father, and further, that the world would know through Christian witness the Father's love. If we extrapolate this, we might say that, though denominations may differ, the significant issue is that the churches unitedly reveal God's love to others, and that is what is happening at Summer of Mercy 2.0.

Last night was a great example of this! We had a Catholic praise leader and a Catholic priest who led worship and spoke against abortion. Then, we had a charimatic episcopal pastor preach! Many local parishes and churches have banded together--Catholic, Presbyterian, Episcopal, and non-denominational--to celebrate our Lord in prayer and praise and pray to our Lord to end abortion. We've laughed together at the humorous comments the ProChoice people have yelled ("Stop following what someone else tells you to do!"), prayed in earnest together for Carhart's heart to change, praised God together, and been so blown away at God's incredible answers to prayer that all we can do is smile (ask me about it!). I've had the privalege to work alongside an amazing, godly, dedicated Catholic woman who has the same incredible faith in God that I only aspire to have. Together, we've seen incredible answers to specific prayers. And while saying the rosary and praying and singing to Mary make me uncomfortable, we've been able to overlook those differences in order to focus on saving lives. We've been loving on our ProChoice friends, sharing kind words and water, and we've been turning the other cheek when they've hated us.

We're not going to get into the "Is a Catholic really a Christian?" debate.  I will add, thought, that the local Catholic churches, priests, and people have been the most faithful attenders of Summer of Mercy 2.0. But picture it for a moment, will you? An episcopal charismatic preacher and his wife sing and stand next to a Presbyterian minister, a Catholic priest, and a preacher from a non-denokinational church. People from many congregations and parishes in the area come together and sing one song together. I wish the press saw this. This abortion issue is doing so much more than drawing out the prolife people; it's drawing out all of the churches and unifying the local church. Something big is going on in Germantown, and it all started thanks to Carhart.

The Other Side of the Sidewalk

Heart pounding, hands shaking, I made my way to the sidewalk, large box in hand (or, rather, arms). No, I wasn't shaking because the ten-pound box, filled with bottled water, crackers, and candy was too heavy. I admit I was a little nervous. How would they react to us? Would they know we were from the other side? If so, would they yell accusations at us? Give us the cold shoulder? Would they spit the water in our faces? Would they cuss us out? Or would they assume we were with them and rant and rave about the other side? Somehow, I thought the people on the other side of the sidewalk would be drastically different from me, from us, but I was wrong in some ways!

The group we met on Wisteria, 17 in all, were mostly younger, early to mid-twenties, and they welcomed us with warmth. They smiled. A few of them said that they had just bought water, but after a little coercing, they gladly took more for later. They smiled. There was laughter. It was obvious they were enjoying the comraderie of working for a purpose and mission, volunteering together to stand for what they believed in. And I thought it ironic that they were having similar conversations that we, on the other end of the sidewalk, had had. "Hey, you know there was one guy in a red pickup truck, American flag bumper stickers, and we didn't expect anything from him, but he suddennly smiled and gave us two thumbs up!" An excited young man was telling some of his comrades.

We walked away feeling a great sense of joy. I also experienced a sheer sense of gratefulness that we successfully dodged any conflict. They didn't ask why we were sharing water with them or where we were from. Let a blessing stay a blessing, without being tainted. Had they known we were from the other side, we would have seen the claws come out, or recieved the silent treatment, like I did when I attempted to speak with one of them on our end of the sidewalk later that evening. But the whole event was very enlightening.

I can't agree more with UnPlanned author and former Planned Parenthood director Abby Johnson when she says that BOTH sides of the "fence," pro-choice and pro-life activists, tend to demonize the other side. Oh yes, the media also tends to side with Pro-choice in demonizing us, but we are very guilty of making false assumptions and treating the other side as our enemies. Yet, when we take a step back from the debate and the protests, we should realize that our tactics should be different from the other side. They insult us, but doesn't scripture say, "Blessed are you when men insult you, persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you."? They stalk our Catholics as they say the rosary and they take pictures, but doesn't the Lord see all things, even what's in their and our hearts? And can't we sic the Holy Spirit on them, in a sense, to reveal the truth to them (something they can't avoid). They may stay out chanting all day long, longer than us, but doesn't scripture say, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective?" While we're fighting the battle with prayer and praise, something that I'm sure is foreign to them, they, sadly, only have their signs, their voices, and their many intimidation tactics. I actually feel sorry for them.

We need to remember that our fight is not against the people--the workers, the pro-choice protestors, even Leroy Carhart himself. The fight is against Satan and the demons in this world. It's a spiritual battle. When we view this as a spiritual battle, we really have no room in our hearts to hate the workers or Carhart or the people on the other side of the sidewalk. They, afterall, are Satan's pawns. They're decieved. And like Jesus, who says, "Oh Jerusalem...How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were unwilling," we should pitty them.

So what makes the "other side" come around? Does telling them statistics? Giving them the thumbs down sign as we drive past them? Frowning at them? Graphic pictures? Yelling at them? Abby Johnson would say it was Pro-Lifers' consistent kind acts and prayer that led to see she was decieved. What is more, it was their love and acceptance of her and willingness to help that helped her successfully leave Planned Parenthood. She really cared for women, and still does today, but it was through prayer that her eyes were finally opened to the truth. And it is through similar witness and prayer that we pray our Pro-Choice friends from the other side of the sidewalk come to see the truth, too! 

The Silence is Deafening

"If you saw this kind of injustice, what would you do? Would you have stood up against this?" I had asked my 7th graders. We were in the midst of our 1940's unit and, amidst learning about Pearl Harbor, Loose Lips, and Rosie the Riveter, we learned about the Holocaust. My students, of course, were outraged. They didn't understand why someone could kill so many Jews, homosexuals, Gypsys, and disabled people, let alone how people could stand by and watch someone kill these people. I reminded my students that there are many injustices in the United States and around the world that we need to be aware of. We may have a time in our lives when we need to stand up against such evil. "Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone." That's the poster I hang on my wall, the poster I would often refer to as we discussed social injustice.

Now is my turn to take my own advice. I didn't used to think I'd ever really stand up against violence. It's the US, for crying out loud! But the time has come, and there are many paralels between the former Holocaust and the present. The media. Call it propaganda or biased news, it connives its way into our culture and makes us believe lies. It's so convincing! And the view of human beings and the right to life. I hear the same excuses for this holocaust--disabilities, weakness, inferior. It's startling how similar our time today is to the time of the Holocaust. But the worst: the deafening silence, particularly of Christians.

How long can we stand by silently, allowing people to convince society that people have rights to kill? How long can we let people take the lives of the innocent? Are we not here for such a time as this? Has God not placed us in Montgomery County for such a time as this?

If you don't want to be percieved as a crazy anti-abortionist, I understand. But pray for the end to abortion, and pray with all of your heart that Summer of Mercy 2.0 would change minds, hearts, and laws. And if you're so bold as to step out and say defiantly "Enough!" then I will see you at the rally, and together we will end this deafening silence.

Trusting, Changing, and Growing: Coping with Constant Inconstants

The other day, my students and I were discussing forms of verbs. In particular, some of my ESL students were asking about the difference between "was playing" and "played" and "are laughing" and "laugh." As we discussed the meaning of the -ing, it occurred to me that the idea of a continual, constant, or in-the-process action is something we see in scripture. Yes, we can look at specific instances in our own lives where we grew, trusted God, and changed (past tense), but in reality, since the Spirit is at work in us, we are growing, changing, and trusting God, or at least, we should be. These are continual actions, and as I think about this more, there are several implications.

One implication is that we should not let the past determine our present; rather, we should let God remind us of our future. I think many Christians, myself included, could look back at areas or times in our lives when we blew it. We weren't Christians then, or maybe we were, and we still ignored the Spirit's promptings. Then Satan whispers in our ears lies. Remember that time you did ___________? God still remembers that. He won't forgive you! Or You already did that once. That is you. That is your label (Adulterer, Glutton, Drunk, etc.). You can never be a REAL child of God because of that. You might as well continue sinning in that way. Abby Johnson mentions in her book, UnPLANNED, how she regretted many of what she did as a director of Planned Parenthood, which included assisting with an abortion. She was tempted to dwell on her guilt. But we not only are we reminded that God's grace is constant in our lives, we are reminded that we must constantlly 1) forget our past sins and 2) focus our eyes on Christ. Philippians 3:13-14 says: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Continual growth means continual forgetting our past and focusing on our future.

Continual growth also means that God is "not finished with you yet" to borrow musician Brandon Heath's lyrics. When I am tempted to live in despair, it's encouraging to remember that I'm not supposed to be perfect and that He who began a good work in me will work it out to completion. Sanctification is constant; God will not let us just stay as we are because he loves us too much. As a father disciplines his sons, so God disciplines us. Trials are a part of this discipline, because "the testing of your faith develops perseverance " (James 1) which develops, in the end, character. God isn't finished with us; He's making us better, as much as we may think we've backslidden. And we can be assured that the difficult times work for the good of those who love Him. God is constantly sanctifying us.

What else should be constant in the life of the Christian? Living by faith. Hebrews 11 describes amazing patriarchs and matriarchs such as Moses, Abraham, and Enoch. "All of these people were still living by faith when they died" (verse 13). They experienced difficulties, left their homeland, moved from royalty to poverty, experienced mocking and beating, and yet they continued to live out their faith. They believed that God created a heavenly home for them, that God rewards those who earnestly seek Him, and that He, the unseen, exists and is even more relevant and weightier than the worldly, earthly, tangible pleasures and joys of this world.

It's difficult to wrap my mind around this idea. Oh, quite often, I would so rather watch TV or be on Facebook than pray or read scripture or memorize. What is to keep me focused on the heavenly kingdom when the earthly joys seem so much more tangible? Psalm 119:11 says, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Memorizing scripture/meditating on scripture. Remembering God's promises is another way to stay heavenly-focused--Psalm 13 is my favorite, which reminds us to "trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me."

An awesome promise that I read recently says, "Before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear" (Isaiah 65:24). I had to laugh because I've seen this verse come true in my own life! Sometimes I don't even think to pray before God answers my unsaid prayer. God also promises that He will give us peace when we cast our cares on Him (Phillipians 4:7), that He will be with us (Isaiah 43:2), and that He will work everything out for our good (Romans 8:28). Simply amazing promises! If we are focusing on these promises constantly, then we will be remembering these promises constantly. When struggles, temptations, trials, whatever come, we will be able to keep those in perspective with the grand scheme of things, the Eternal Story.

I know this may seem like random, incoherent jabber, but I guess these are thoughts that have been floating around my mind the past few weeks. I find personal hope in the fact that God is constantly sanctifying me and that He himself is constant, because it means that I can look forward to the future and not dwell on my own sin. It means that I can view the storms of life as opportunities to grow. It means that when life just seems to be changing and inconstant, I can look forward to life in heaven. And right now, as I think about making some decisions, I can take hold of His promises that He knows what I need, He directs my path, He will give me wisdom, and this all is for my good. Lord, let us remember your constant promises forever!

P.S. The above might sound familiar to some...These are thoughts coming from recent sermons (SGPCA and Harvest), scripture I've been meditating on recently, conversations I've had, and other various books I've read.

That Church and Mr. Potato Head

Remember when Mr. Potato Head was all the rage? It's once again become all the rage, thanks to Pixar's Toy Story movies. I remember, as a little girl, finding joy in correctly matching the correct eyes, nose, and mouth to make a perfect Mr. Potato Head. As I grew older, though, I found joy is mismatching the parts, adding feet where the ears should be, eyes where the mouth should be, and adding two noses. Sometimes, I think that the church can often becoming the mismatched Mr. Potato Head as opposed to the functioning body that God calls us to be.

I was reflecting on this idea recently as I went on a camping trip. Truly, as a novice camper, my initial reaction to a person planning the event was intimidation and maybe even dislike. He obviously had his act together and was an expert camper. As I reflected more on my reaction, I realized how easily I tend react negatively to people who are different from me. Why? For me, it was intimidation, feeling insecure, and seeing my lack of camping skills that were so opposite from his expert skills. In the end, the camping trip was amazingly refreshing BECAUSE of the expert campers who planned the trip down to the last detail. How blessed I was because of other people's strengths!

Why, though, is it that we have this tendancy to criticize people who are different from us in the church, rather than rejoicing in those differences? For many of us, it probably is feeling insecure toward that person in some way, or maybe fearing what is unpredictable, since the said person is different from us. I think inside the church, though, we have a tendancy to use scripture to back what we think is right, not allowing room for the "weaker brother" or trying to conform everyone to become an "eye." The fact is, scripture says that everyone has different strengths that make up the body. What is more, in John 17, Jesus actually prays that we, "future believers," would have unity.

I think there are a few implications of these passages. First, rather than comparing ourselves to others, we need to be confident in who God has created us to be. We have certain invaluable strengths. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul paints a rediculous picture of the foot saying 'because I am not a hand, I should not be a part of the body.' Can you imagine a person with four hands, no feet? It's as ridiculous as a mismatched Mr. Potato Head! Each part has its essential function, as each person has a vital role in the church.

Second, we need to accept other people's strengths. We shouldn't say to someone "I don't need you!" nor should we think to ourselves that they are not valuable. I need my brothers and sisters who are mercy showers, who remind me of the grace I ought to extend to the needy. I also need my brothers and sisters who speak the truth like they mean it--because I myself am not as blunt! Our body would not only not be a body if everyone was the same (think of a giant glob of eyes!), but we wouldn't be able to survive!

Third, we need to act in unity, even though we are diverse, both in our gifts and in our denominations. Recently, I was listening to Mark Driscoll's sermon on John 17. He explained his church's view on church denominations, which I found very helpful in understanding how to interact with different churches. He explained that each church/denomination is like a state. The states border each other and are part of the same country, but they have their own local government. Washington would not nuke Oregon if they had a disagreement. In the same way, each church that believes the essentials (the Word is God-inspired, Jesus was God and man, etc.) is its own state. The denominations might have differences regarding ordination of women, baptism, order of worship, and so on, but they are united under Jesus. If we hear of a church that is winning people to Christ, we should rejoice with them--we're unified under the gospel.

I think this has major implications for me as a believer. How do I react when I speak with my charismatic friends? Baptists? Non-denominational friends? While I may not agree with every aspect of their denomination, I can rejoice in their strengths! I've found that my charismatic friends are so much more in touch with spiritual warfare than most people in the PCA. I admire many of my baptist friends who actively send people on missions and share the gospel in the community. I rejoice with my Methodist friend, a true believer, who lives out service in her community. Many of the non-denominational churches have great outreaches to the community and have rich diversity. Each church has great strengths that make up the body, and that's just denominations! I could mention the diversity of vocations of members within the church, but that's for another day. Needless to say, Jesus prayed in a sense for a functioning Mr. Potato Head as his church, not a mismatched, four-eyed monster!

Can You Trust Me Now? Good!

Have you ever felt like you're on one of those Verizon Wireless commercials with God? We're fine with trusting God when suddennly a kink is thrown in our plans and God asks "Can you trust me now?" Life eventually gets back to normal, we learn to trust God yet again and then a wrench is thrown into our plans, yet again, and we hear the refrain, yet again: "Can you trust me now?"

Somehow, our dreams and plans never quite turn out the way we want them to. We try to be resourceful and save money, but our car breaks down and the repairs cost more than the car. We apply for a job we're sure is perfect, and it falls through. We would like to have kids or be married, but we're infertile or we still haven't met Mr. Right. We try to live a healthy lifestyle, but learn that we have an illness, disease, or cancer. The list could go on. Everyone has stories of broken and lost dreams.

But what does God want us to do with these broken dreams? At times, I can become bitter and angry at God. When this happens, He and I have an all-out argument about how unfair He is to let this aweful thing happen to me, and I wallow in self-pity. For some reason, though, it's not long before he crashes my pity party. "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?....Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?....Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place...?" (Job 38:2,4a,12). "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" (Isaiah 55:8). To my chagrin, he reminds me, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9) and reassures me "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear....But seek first His kingdom and His righteouseness and all these things will be added unto you." (Matthew 6 portions). And he reassures me that he will "turn the darkness into light before [me] and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake [you]" (Isaiah 42:16).

But I still have the tendency to go back to my general belief that godly life = happy life. That if I'm serving God, I'll have a good life and even deserve a good life. Yet I don't think that's the perspective God wants us to have. In fact, scripture suggests the opposite--we should "count it all joy" in suffering and broken dreams because it means "God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" (Hebrews 12:7) We should rejoice that this is an opportunity to develop character such as perseverance. "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:4). In a weird, almost twisted sense, trials actually mean that God cares for us deeply because he won't let us remain in our current sinful state; He's sanctifying us.

If you're like me, this probably doesn't completely give you peace about difficulties. It's not like we go around saying, "Yes! I lost my job! This is a santification moment!" Sometimes I tell God "enough with the sanctification! Can't you let me be?!"

Yet God promises that we will never be alone in the midst of the difficulties, and that does give me peace. When my dreams are shattered, God prompts me to pull out my favorite Collegiate Devotional Bible that looks just as battered as I feel, and I flip through all of the underlined promises. "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20). "1 But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead" (Isaiah 43:1-3). "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abaondoned; struck down, but not destroyed; perplexed, but not in despair" (2 Cor. 4:8). God promises strength, peace, comfort, hope, and Himself during trials.

When I read these and other promises, I can't help but want to trust God. I am comforted in knowing that while my circumstances and emotions change, God never does. To borrow Annie Flint's words, "His love has no limits, His grace has no measure, His power no boundary known unto men; For out of His infinite riches in Jesus, He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again." That's the kind of God I can trust.

So lesson learned. I can trust you, God. I said to myself, almost finished with my blog. Then true story, my Internet crashed and I thought I lost everything I'd written. I had to chuckle, though. God must be smiling down from heaven, saying, "Can you trust me now? Good!"

Stone Uncast: A Short Explanation

"Why don't you tell those Jewish kids they're going to hell?!" a classmate once asked me in high school. Several classmates around me were shocked at this statement, and I myself was taken aback. But then I understood.

Too often, Christians have the reputation that they are superior to everyone else. And in my short time period of life interacting with various people, I have to say that often WE ARE stuck up, arrogant, and self-centered. But the thing I wished that this classmate could see was that we are not perfect because we are Christians; rather, we are Christians because we are imperfect. The whole story of the gospel is that we in and of ourselves cannot make ourselves perfect, though we try. "It is only by grace that we have been saved, and this is not of us--it is the gift of God so that no one can boast!"

One of my favorite passages comes from Hosea 2 where the Lord speaks to Israel as Hosea should speak to his unfaithful wife, Gomer. Israel has been unfaithful to the Lord, and now she is in the dessert. During those days, when one was taken to the desert, and especially when found guilty of committing adultery, it meant that the person was to be stoned to death. Yet the Lord says "I will speak tenderly to her....I will be her God, and she will be my people...I will betroth her to me in righteousness..." And what a picture it is when Jesus is in the same scenario many years later! The rulers and elders of the law try to trap Jesus into stoning the adulteress woman. And his response? Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. Yet even sinless Jesus does not cast the first stone. This amazing picture of grace and forgiveness is my 'story and song' as I am a sinner who greatly needs a Savior!

With this in mind, I write to share honest, Lord-willing humble thoughts about life, Christianity, and the great grace that causes me to rejoice. I am a product of the stone uncast.