Someone once told me that that is a normal feeling to have. The post-college graduate, twenties life is like a buffet table; you pick and choose the different interesting career options, try them out, and if you don't like them, discard them and move on to something else. Then you eventually settle on one career.
But what if you have a career, but you still have other callings that you could pursue? What happens when you're content with your calling, but see the need for other callings to be fulfilled? I guess I've been thinking about that recently, as I have to decide whether or not to make a three-year committment to my school. I've been encouraged, though, to see many godly women and men in my life make career changes throughout their lives as they pursued God's calling. My mom, for one, has truly inspired me as she's moved from dietition in a burn unit to pastor's wife/home school mom/choir director/Bible study leader to Kindermusic teacher/teen moms Kindermusic leader. As I tell many people, she's been singing wake-up songs and lullabies to us since we were young, so leading Little Hands workshops and classes is very much a natural for her.
I guess even with uncertainty, not knowing what is the next step, we have a lot of assurance. As I write this, I have to laugh at the seeming contradiction of assurance amidst uncertainty! But I remember Abraham and all of the Hall of Faith heroes in Herbrews 11 who stepped out in faith and obeyed and followed God "even though he did not know where he was going." Psalm 37:5-6, 23-23 says, "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun....If the Lord delights in a man's ways, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."
It's been awesome to look back and see how God has made my steps firm and given me some difficult, yet amazing opportunities. Recently, though, I reread a poem I wrote my freshman year in response to Dr. Pennington's Christian Mind class, and realized that I still feel the same confusion about which callings to pursue. Who knows what the future holds, but I know who holds my future. :-)
A Desperate Prayer by Kim Yagel
Lord, what would you have me do? What would you have me be?
A teacher, a writer, a messenger, a musician?
Like a farmer’s rooster I await your sun to enlighten my mind, that I might find a purpose, a meaning, a vocation.
I look at the sky so softly and delicately painted by your hand,
And I think,
“Could I not be an artist? Would I not love to paint your
Masterpiece in words?”
Masterpiece in words?”
Then sweet melody floats to my ears, the words touch my heart,
And I think,
“Could I not worship you in joyful music? Could I not tickle the ivory for the rest of my years?”
I see your little image bearers looking for puzzle pieces to fit their minds,
And I think,
“Would I not love to expand their creative thoughts? Would I not love to nurture the images in their heads?”
But then I see your people across the world, clothed as skeletons, hungry, homeless, helpless. Tears fill my eyes and my heart breaks for them,
And I think,
“Would I not love to mother them? To love them, to heal them, to protect them?”
Yet I see those beside me, Lord, filled with distress, fitting the triangle shape to the heart, losing direction as a ship without a North Star.
And I think,
“Could I not reach them? Show them the heart’s true shape? Could I not love them?”
I sit here and wonder—what is it that you’d have me do? What is it that you’d have me be?
Here I am, Lord, an unfinished chair in the hands of the carpenter.
Will I be a stool or a loveseat, a recliner or a throne?
Here I am, Lord. Fashion me to your use.
Amen.
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